Which pattern (rigid complimentary, competitive symmetry, or submissive symmetry) do you think would be the most difficult to change? Why? Which would be the most damaging to a relationship? Which would be the most potentially damaging to the self-esteem of the individuals involved?
The rigid complimentary pattern is when the submissive partner begins to resent always giving in or when the dominant partner begins to tire of being in charge, causing dissatisfaction. Competitive symmetry is when both partners fight for the one-up position. The submissive symmetry is when both parties struggle to relinquish control.
I would argue that the pattern that is most difficult to change is the submissive symmetry pattern. This is simply because of the desire associated with change. In the other pattern, one or both partners are attempting to change, although the other partner may be resisting the change. In the submissive symmetry pattern, both partners are resisting taking control, and do not want a change in their position of power in the relationship.
The most damaging pattern to a relationship would be the competitive symmetry pattern. This is because both partners are fighting for control, and no end is in sight. They both will escalate the competitive nature in hopes of turning the relationship, but instead are damaging it. The rigid complimentary pattern is the most damaging to self-esteem, because it could cause a long last self-defeating situation. In which the person constantly wants to prove that the other person is rude and controls the relationship, and will not take control to prove they are right. The same can be said about the reciprocal, in which the person always in control will make the decision, expecting the other to not make the decision.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
I liked reading your post and agreed with what you say, however, I had a different answer to the question of which pattern would be the most damaging to a relationship. You responded with the "competitive symmetry pattern" because you said constantly fighting to gain control would be damaging in the long run, while I wrote the "rigid complementary one" because I believe that one person has to always take a step back and they are eventually going to resent it.
I feel like both are equally as damaging and dont really know who is right (me or you) and if there is even a right answer to this. When I read your answer, I hadnt even thought about why the competitive symmetry pattern might be so damaging so props to you for bringing it to my attention!
I think what you said about the most damaging pattern in a relationship being the fighting for control is very significant. I can relate to this because this is exactly what ruined my parent's marriage. After 18 years of fighting for control, there really was no "end in sight," as you said. The competition strained their relationship so much it eventually lead to a lot of other problems.
Like Molly said, who knows what pattern really is the MOST damaging- I think it depends on a case by case basis, but I know first hand that constant competition in a relationship is extremely unhealthy. I think one partner has to relinquish some control and sort of switch back and forth respectfully for things to work out. Luckily, I have found that balance with my boyfriend of 3 years and we have a very healthy and respectful relationship- but it definitely takes work!
Post a Comment